10 Sep The Queen Elizabeth the Second Memorial Row (It definitely wasn’t a race…)
After months of endurance training (Avona crew missed that memo), injuries, ‘boat cleaning gate, and the death of The Queen, the GRR 2022 took on a hastily revised format but did go ahead. The emphasis shifted away from racing and more towards a procession of boats that at no point tried to race and when the necessity to pass presented itself it was done in a manner befitting the mood of the country at this sad time. That was the plan at least until the boats got on the water.
It was disappointing not to have Sean in Avona, however with Lucy filling in at short notice and on the ‘wrong’ side, it turned out that the crew had never been more powerful. A fortuitous upgrade in the crew. Everyone in the club hopes that Sean’s back issue resolves itself quickly and that we see his smiling face back on the water soon.
Hotel accommodation was excellent for all. Simon decided the Travelodge 10 minutes away would be more in keeping with his morning routine of a late wake-up and frantic run to reach his desired location. He got his wish making record time for waking up at 6.28 am and making the 6.30 am coach departure. The bus journey was uneventful, but everyone was encouraging of Nina’s new business “Nina Fancy Goods”. Great name and very fancy goods including lighters and car accessories
The standard rowing regatta format was on show, everyone arriving very early, faffing with boats, before sitting down and waiting for several hours before anyone actually rows. Some things will never change. It did give us the chance to enjoy the local shopping and toilet facilities. Avona’s crew decided that the weekly shop should revolve around Oakhurst Gin consumption at the finish and so emergency supplies of tonics, lemons, cucumbers and a bag of ice were purchased and stored about the boat.
Clifton was able to enjoy seeing both Goram and Avona take to the water (via a wonderfully viscous mud treatment that many would pay good money for as part of a spa experience).
The Goram crew was made up of Stuart, Becky, Ingrid, Brendan, Suzanne, and Simon. Coxed by Iain who inexplicably was the only member of the entire boat to suffer from cramp despite not pulling a stroke. More amazingly is that it wasn’t a cramp in his jaw, but rather a lower limb.
Avona’s crew of Nina, Rosie, Tim, Stephen, Deb, and Lucy were coxed by Fraser who unleashed a master class in coxing motivational techniques. The challenge for the rowers was how to continue to row well when mentally fatigued whilst laughing at the nonsense that was spewing from his mouth. A personal highlight was rowing past Kew… “Ok everyone, what rhymes with Kew? Pint, pint rhymes with Kew, I want one so get us to the pub fast” The crew was also blessed to earn not one, but two “fabby-dabbies”.
Our pilots for the day were two incredibly special people to the club, Brian Nobbs and his wife Ginette. We’re blessed to benefit from his craftmanship having built Avona and now keeping her as watertight and beautiful as we all know she is. We hope they had a wonderful experience, although I am aware that Brian did cop a full wave breaking over him early doors with his socks soaking most of the water up.
Having taken to the water to row continuously for 50 minutes to stay exactly in the same spot (number 5 bouy is etched into my retina), the final preparations were made. Stephen decided to intimidate another crew by exposing himself and urinating in the Thames. The target boat was crewed by some bewildered and now traumatised scouts. Nothing Baden Powell could have done to prepare them for that. Tim used a tried and tested method by most of the women rowers and utilised the bailer to relieve himself. It was disappointing to discover that the bailer in question leaked. Bladders prepared it was time to tap up.
The start was slightly unorthodox and took the crews a little by surprise, nobody was more surprised than Deborah who was shocked to find out that we had actually started about 5 minutes earlier and that she had been tapping up whilst everyone else was pulling for all they were worth.
There was plenty of congestion and chop in the first half of the race. Brendan decided to test the wrath of The Thames giving it a verbal dressing down and posing the question “is this all you have got?” Several hours later and having gone up to his neck in the water it was concluded that in fact, The Thames had more on offer than Brendan had bargained for. The swell had caused problems for Tim as well who had fallen foul of a crab (the only one in either boat). This was punished later in the day with the awarding of ‘Pearl’ and a shot of Knobs Creek. Iain joined the punishment list thanks to his cramping exploits, a shot of Knobs Creek later he is the guardian of ‘Earl’.
Back in Avona, the bloody scouts were everywhere! Steve was getting uncomfortable having not had the results back from his DBS check and with police patrol boats on show, the belief that it was only a matter of time before he was charged with indecent exposure loomed long, it did mean he rowed harder though. Meanwhile, Goram was taking advantage of Ingrid’s patented ‘gig boat snack basket accessory’ and consuming several tonnes of jellied sweets
The backdrop for the row was stunning throughout. Not many people have the privilege to row past the iconic skyline of London’s past and present and as the boats passed landmark after landmark the miles ticked away. Stuart maximised the chances to take in the views with a schedule of extended water breaks and, when not breaking, was utilising his seat in stroke to easily access the cox who popped in a jelly baby on every other reach. The support from the river banks was there throughout and provided bursts of energy to wearying crew members. It was lovely to see some very personal support from friends and family including Alex, as well as Rosie’s mum and dad.
The final push saw Avona home (we believe) as the second Gig over the line, but there was no question that she was the first boat on the beach outside the pub. Deborah took full advantage of our early arrival to quaff a pint of cider, becoming instantly drunk a state she maintained to the very end of the evening. Goram was not far behind and once everyone had disembarked it was left for us all to enjoy a hard-earned drink. It was lovely to sit together as a club and amongst other crews relaxing, enjoying, the sunshine, sharing stories and taking pictures. Rosie excitedly gathered the Goram crew for a team photo, with a rousing shout of “Say Goram” the bemused crew half-heartedly humoured her with a muffled response. Poor excited Rosie.
As other boats joined the beach, the water rose over the banks and across the road, and rowers stood up to their knees in water whilst the Oakhurst gin and tonic flowed freely with the supplies purchased pre-race being well received.
One last task needed completing before we could forget boat duties for the day. The Gigs were rowed across the river to the waiting crane. After Brendan tried unsuccessfully to follow in Simon’s footsteps (to hilariously wet consequences) both boats were raised out of the water and onto the trailers. Job done, or not… After what seemed to be hours of faffing, clucking, strapping, sitting, stretching (those two Tim excelled at), pushing, and pulling, the boats were finally ready to be taken home the next day.
A casual stroll was required to reach the pub where we gathered to eat pizza and drink beer. A little while later back at the hotel several tired crew members sensibly retired to their rooms for sleep, whilst others thought the dining room sofas would serve the same purpose. During all this, Rosie was trying to work out just how clever people had been to name a boat ‘Rowsie’.
The final act of the day was left to Deborah and Simon who felt it was only appropriate to share their company at the party of a couple who were renewing their wedding vows. One can only imagine the look on the happy couples’ faces to see a couple of sweaty, smelly, and pissed Clifton gig boat rowers invite themselves in… Amazingly it was well received! A happy end to an incredible day.
Plans are already afoot for the GRR 2023 – save the date 16th September.
Roving Reporter: Tim Gear-Evans
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